Finals

Dear finals week,

I HATE YOU!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH UUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You suck!

RE: I slipped. SLO should fix this.

Dear Barbara Lynch, Deputy Director of Public Works,

Thank you for your email of March 12, in response to my email on March 3, which detailed a particularly dangerous crosswalk within city limits. I inspected the area in question this afternoon, and was pleasantly surprised. The algae growth on this corner appears to have been significantly reduced. I feel that there is little safety hazard at the corner of Laurel Ln. and Southwood Dr. today.

Based on the content of your previous email, I trust that the work done to improve the safety of this crosswalk is, as you described, an interim solution. It is clear that the private property owners have yet to remedy their water leak. Although there is no algae in the city's crosswalk now, it will inevitably grow back, unless the city is successful in pursuing a correction to this dangerous situation. Until that day, the city will have unnecessary work to maintain a safe crossing of Laurel Ln.

Thank you for your attention to this situation. I look forward to the day where water stops unnecessarily flowing down the gutter.

Sincerely,

Winter Quarter 2010

Dear Winter Quarter 2010,

The last event we'll enjoy together is finals week, next week.  Just wanted to prepare you for the fact that I am going to kick your ass throughout the week.  I am expecting that you will put up a good fight.  You may even cause a few mental and emotional break-downs, some tears, and chocolate (darn lent!) a few trips to Bali's.

My defense system is strong. I will study like there is no tomorrow.  I will go to the gym to knock off the pounds you will attempt to add to my flab. I will punch you in the face, and you will bruise.

Consider yourself warned, Winter Quarter 2010!  You sucked!

It is what it is.

Dear Employer,

I have noticed a spike in the usage of the phrase: "It is what it is." This has been spoken by peers and management alike.

I have no major issues with the phrase "It is what it is." Many things are indeed what they are. In this particular instance, I take issue with the repeated speaking of this phrase as a means of dismissing an anomaly.

Every time I run a test for a particular client, I get a value that is practically zero. Now I get a result that is astronomically higher in comparison. "It is what it is." Is it? I don't know that? This doesn't make sense. "It is what it is."

I understand that times are tight, but I feel that taking a moment to double check an odd result can only do good for the company.

Yours,

Italia

Dear Italy,

I would like to come visit you.  My friend Giulia just invited me to come vacation on your beautiful beaches of Sardinia.  However, it seems to be very expensive to fly there.  The upwards of $1000 price tag on a 2-way flight is slightly offensive, and I would much appreciate a smaller bill.

Therefore, I am holding my tourist dollars hostage from you until you decrease the cost of travelling to you.  You have until August.  Something in the range of $600 should do the trick.

Ciao!

I slipped. SLO should fix this.

Dear Director--San Luis Obispo City Public Works,

I am writing to inform you of a hazard created by a natural spring or broken pipe on the 1200 block of Laurel Ln. The constantly flowing water has allowed algae to grow on the downhill crosswalk/cutout. Wet algae is slippery. Weeks ago, an elderly gentleman slipped and fell on this hazard, hurting his hip. Unable to walk, he required an ambulance. I fell on this same algae today, injuring my wrist, knee, ankle, and elbow.

I contacted city public works administration, and was advised that the city street sweeping would remedy the issue. I have lived here since the past summer, and the problem has gotten progressively worse. I suspect that either:

1. The two different sweeping routes do not sufficiently sweep the corner/cutout, or
2. Street sweeping fails to remove algae growth.

Please remedy this situation before another serious injury takes place. The city would be well served to ensure the safety of their crosswalks. I look forward to finding a clean, safe crosswalk and cutout in the near future.

Thank you for your prompt response.